


The Love that I've Looked for

by CatofApocalypse



Series: Nothing else matters [1]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Because I did, First Kiss, Fluff, Ineffable Husbands (Good Omens), Love Confessions, M/M, Making Out in the Bentley (Good Omens), Vanilla, so cute you will explode
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-31
Updated: 2019-10-31
Packaged: 2021-01-15 09:26:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,140
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21251141
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CatofApocalypse/pseuds/CatofApocalypse
Summary: The story was inspired by Escape (The Pina Colada song) by Rupert Holmes.





	The Love that I've Looked for

**Author's Note:**

  * For [magicbubblepipe](https://archiveofourown.org/users/magicbubblepipe/gifts).

> This is a part of the Kinktober 2019 Gift-exchange Event on Ineffable Temptation discord server.  
My gift partner is magicbubblepipe. I hope you like it ^^  
I almost didn't make it because I scraped my old writing and started anew when I got this idea! I hope it delivers ^^

* * *

* * *

It started with “The Secret” by John Clare. 

It was a night like any other. Aziraphale had closed up shop and retreated to his reading space - his favorite armchair - with a steaming mug of hot-chocolate on the coffee table by his side and a collection of various works to read through the night. Since angels needn't sleep, he had come up with activities to spend the night. Reading was no doubt one of them.

He had gotten through a novel and was now enjoying a compilation of poems. 

_ "I loved thee, though I told thee not, _

_ Right earlily and long, _

_ Thou wert my joy in every spot, _

_ My theme in every song...” _

The first verse made him stop. He had read this poem before, a long time ago. Back then he didn’t pay it any mind. Tonight was different. He lingered on the words for a good while, without really seeing them. Another image was taking over in his mind.

The image of a lanky, red haired demon.

After 1941, Aziraphale had started having this feeling he couldn’t quite grasp. There was a fluttering in his gut, as he watched the demon walk away.

Over the years the feeling had grown stronger. He started thinking more and more about Crowley, how he had helped him all these times, the Arrangement… He missed his presence after some time. He wanted to hear his voice, see his devilish grin or glimpses of those serpentine eyes. He would sit in his shop wondering where the old serpent was, what he was doing, and most importantly, whether he was experiencing the same feelings.

Then there was that night in the Bentley. 

_ “You go too fast for me Crowley” He had said. _

Aziraphale felt a clench in his heart. It had been a couple of years. The world changed rapidly, heavenly tasks had taken over his routine and that night slipped his mind for a while. Now it all came back to torment him again. The angel reached out for his drink, took a sip to clear his mind. 

Somehow it tasted worse than he remembered. 

That night he wanted to tell Crowley how he felt after giving him the holy water. Yet, when it was the time to do so, he had chickened out. He wasn’t sure. Or rather, wasn’t ready to call it what he inferred it to be. Was it_ love _? Or just overwhelming friendship? Besides, he didn’t know if Crowley also felt this way. He couldn't risk ruining the friendship they had by confessing a one-sided attraction.

_ “And even if he did feel the same,” _ Aziraphale had defended himself. “ _ It wasn’t meant to be.” _

He and Crowley - the way he saw it - were the two opposite poles of a magnet, attracting one another. At the same time, they were candles and flames, one would think they go together, but in the end they could only bring each other to an untimely end.

An end worse than Romeo and Juliet. Considering what their respective authorities would do to them.

He sighed. His eyes wandered down to the next verses.

_ “...And when I saw a stranger face _

_ Where beauty held the claim, _

_ I gave it like a secret grace _

_ The being of thy name. _

_And all the charms of face or voice _

_ Which I in others see _

_ Are but the recollected choice _

_ Of what I felt for thee. _ _ ” _

Aziraphale wondered if he had ever seen Crowley in someone else. Perhaps not? To be fair, he had been associating the demon with the Beatles for the past decade, ever since he saw his new style. And as of late, he found some resemblance in Freddie Mercury as well. Still, those were just apparent similarities he noticed. He wouldn’t feel the same looking at someone like John Lennon as he would with Crowley. 

This gave the angel a curious thought. Could there be a human out there that could make him experience the same fondness, or cause that longing feeling whenever they went away? A human he could share a drink with and confide in? A human who understood his thoughts even before he voiced them? A human who could… tempt him?

Aziraphale set the book aside to start contemplating.

That’s right. He had been alone with himself for thousands of years ever since Heaven assigned him to Earth. Aside from Crowley, he never really gotten close to anyone, especially not for romancing. What if constantly hanging out with Crowley over the years had confused his heart? What if these feelings that he had for the demon, were only because he didn’t know any better?

“Surely there’s a way to find out.” He mumbled. A glimpse of that day’s ‘The Standard’ lying around on his desk sparked an idea in the angel’s mind.

* * *

Crowley was patient. It was a trait he had noticed in himself. A rather snake-like one yet still came off as surprising to others. But this time was just… too much. So much so that it was still eating at him after all these years. He ranted and ranted to anyone who would listen. Freddie. A songbird in Berkeley Square. Some chick on the crisis hotline. His own answering machine. Ducks. The cranky but surprisingly understandable nurse in that emergency room he admitted himself into.

And today, the victim of choice was....

"HHrrrghhh… You are growing TOO SSSSSLOW!” The demon hissed. 

Of course, there was no answer from the little sprout.

Crowley stood in the newly renovated ‘garden’ of his apartment, a ruler in hand and a very disappointed grimace on his face. 

“What did I tell you lots about growing?” He continued, inching his nose so close to the plant that he could smell the damp soil. The low rumble of a growl in his throat made the tiny leaves tremble with fright.

The ruler was thrown away carelessly when the demon picked the pot up. He raised the plant for the rest to see and shouted. “Look at this fucking show-off! GOING WAY SLOWER THAN THE REST.” 

In the next moment, the serpent paused. All he did was stare into nothingness, breathing heavily, one hand still holding the plant up above his head. Slowly, he lowered it down to face the criminal again. His head slightly tilted to the side in a sarcastic manner. “ Who are you trying to impress? Me?... Or *Aziraphale*?”

His laughter soon echoed throughout the hallway.

“I’d love to break it to you, that even if you had taken 6000 fucking years to grow, you’d still be *too fast*.” The demon snapped, throwing the pot back on the shelf. He was skillful enough that it slid on the smooth surface and stopped, didn’t even topple over.

Crowley pointed at the plant, a snarl manifested, revealing serpentine fangs. “I don’t take kindly to that here! Not that I would ever be kind to ANY of you. This is my last warning. GROW FASTER.”

With that, he sauntered away to the study and threw himself onto the throne. He didn’t care about the physical pain he had just caused upon himself by doing so. There were greater pains to be had. Instead, he laid there, his body horizontally across the chair, eyes staring at the ceiling.

The demon hated having a human body in times like this. His mortal heart was doing weird things to him again. The pain sheared through his chest as if he had been stabbed with a steeled knife drenched in holy water. All that from a simple utterance of the angel a couple of years ago. 

It wasn’t the first time Aziraphale had said something that wouldn’t leave his mind for years on end. Usually they were good to remember, like their conversation on Eden’s wall. Sometimes they were unpleasant memories of disagreements. He wasn’t happy about that time they argued over holy water, but that was over quickly. This time…

He wouldn’t call what he was feeling ‘anger’. No, he wasn’t angry at Aziraphale at all for saying it. He aboded by the angel’s boundaries. While he wasn’t the smartest demon, he still understood the consequences of their fraternizing (as a certain someone called it). 

If anything he appreciated the fact Aziraphale had taken the risk to get the water for him.

The only problem he had with the whole going to fast thing was that he felt it... wasn’t entirely true?! He believed he had been very patient. For almost 6000 years now, he had never spoken about it to Aziraphale. He cast aside the feelings that had been brewing within him ever since they met, in favor of keeping things strictly to business between them. He was under the impression that Aziraphale wasn’t comfortable with being more than just part of an Arrangement. He respected that. So it wasn’t fair to say he was going too fast.

“Disappointed” was more like it. He had been over the roof with joy when the angel gave him the thermos. For a moment he thought that Aziraphale had made up his mind; that the angel was ready to make a choice. It got him anxious to the point of almost blurting out how much the other meant to him. Thankfully he managed to restrain himself because soon after, Aziraphale burst his bubble of hope.

Crowley sighed. 

It had been some years. Perhaps he should just move on already. 

Easier said than done...

It still hurt, just in a different way from a heartbreak. All the venting throughout the years helped but there was this lingering ache in his chest whenever he was reminded of it. He had lost confidence in actually confessing to Aziraphale because of it. If over 5000 years weren’t enough, then how many more would the angel need to accept him? Would he ever take him in at all?

The red-head gave out a frustrated groan as he sprung back up. He needed fresh air and something to do. Some sort of temptation perhaps. Anything to keep his mind from wandering off to the past.

* * *

Crowley had gotten bored with glueing coins to the pavements or changing traffic lights waiting times. He had also learned that changing “pull” to “push” on doors would only come back to bite him. He needed something new today. Something out of the ordinary to spice things up a bit. Something like...

The demon snatched a newspaper from a street vendor as he walked past before the owner could even notice. He continued walking while his eyes were skimming the content, looking for the Personal Column. He thought maybe it would be a really devilish thing to do should he answer several of these. He could stand them up or arrange for them to meet each other, for a good laugh.

However, he was not expecting to see something so intriguing when he reached the ads. Amongst the regular, boring self-introductions was a poem.

**“If you like Queen and fine vintage, and getting caught in the rain**

**If you like funny old skits, if you have half a brain**

**If you like making love at midnight, on the leather backseat,**

**I’m the love that you’ve looked for, write and we’ll hit the street.”**

The demon stopped dead in his tracks, ignoring the complaints of another pedestrian who almost slammed into him. His eyes fixed on the paper, then he had to lift his sunglasses to get an even closer look.

“What… the … hell?” Crowley mumbled in awe. It was as if the person behind this was writing with his image in mind. But it couldn’t be, right? Must be a coincidence. What were the odds of a human being interested in traits so similar to his? This had never happened to him before, and he was older than humanity itself, for Someone’s sake.

The Serpent of Eden stood staring at the paper for a long period of time, before deciding to rip out the ad and crumbled the rest, throwing the ball of paper carelessly behind him.

* * *

[ ](https://www.flickr.com/photos/185187525@N06/48992706562/in/dateposted-public/)

Aziraphale did not expect to get a reply so soon, and certainly not one in the same format as his.

**“Yes I’d like Queen and some vintage, and getting caught in the rain**

**I quite know astronomy, if you can call that a brain**

**I’ve got to see you in the evening late, met you up around nine**

**Plot our heist at Star Tavern, it’ll work out just fine”**

He almost spilled his cup of morning tea on himself when he saw it on the daily newspaper. The answer came sooner than he expected it would be. 

Writing a personal ad was a gamble that he wished to lose. He had hoped it would go unnoticed and get lost in the void because he felt ridiculous a day after sending it away. An angel looking for someone to hook up with. What would the others think if they found out? Should he be ashamed? What would he do if someone actually answered? 

Well, someone DID respond. He couldn’t back out now and disappoint them. But Good Heavens! He had never been on a meeting of this nature before. He didn’t know what to expect from it.

The angel took a deep breath and decided he would close his shop today and go raid the Romance section. 

* * *

* * *

“Well, _ angel _?”

Aziraphale kept his gaze fixed on his fingers as Crowley’s words rang in his ears. He would have jumped himself into hellfire if he could right now.

He heard the demon shuffling, doing something with his jacket. He dared not to look though, fearing what would happen to him should their eyes meet. 

A ripped newspaper column crept into view, Crowley's slender fingers slipping it on the bar counter so it would be right where he could see it.

Aziraphale took it out of politeness, but he didn’t need to check the content. He could definitely tell what it was. _ After all, it was his own doing... _

“Are you going to explain this or should I just draw my own conclusion?" the demon continued. Aziraphale could definitely feel his stare fixed on him.

The blonde swallowed nervously. He would try to explain but… He had no idea why he had done it. It was impulsive. Quite the last thing he could ever expect to see himself doing really.

“It’s just experimental.” He spoke in a low tone, unable to hide the sprinkles of embarrassment. 

“Experimental?” Crowley echoed.

“Yes, my dear. Simply an experiment.” Aziraphale forced a smile as he looked at the demon for a brief second. He couldn’t keep the eye-contact for long. As a result, His eyes darted between Crowley and the counter indecisively.

“For what?”

“Well… I was just… You know… Curious.”

“Curious??” 

“You see, I’ve been on Earth for… a long time. And this is one aspect of human life I haven’t… explored yet.” 

Aziraphale hoped it would sound better than admitting he wanted to confirm his attraction to the demon. He was hoping to meet a human being who shared most of Crowley’s traits, see if they could spark something in him the same way the demon had done. He didn’t think it would be Crowley himself who answered.

Crowley, meanwhile, just gasped at the explanation he was getting. He thought angels weren’t supposed to be doing this sort of thing. Never in his right mind would he imagine Aziraphale writing a personal ad. 

“Uh-W-Ngk-What? Angel! You can’t be serious…” Crowley stuttered, unable to find words to describe his feelings right now. “Are you telling me, you decided you want to try… romancing out of the blue? Just like that? What happened to the whole “being angelic” deal? _ Did Head Office know?” _

Crowley kept going on and on about how unholy this was. There was no denying the sarcasm he littered throughout. Aziraphale only lowered his head like a scolded puppy.

“And what was that about “making love”, angel?! And here I thought I was the one _ going too fast _.” Blurted the serpent before he could stop himself. The demon almost choked on his tongue while Aziraphale turned his face to look, undeniably shocked.

The bartender arrived with their drinks, giving both some time to process the information. 

“What do you mean going too fast?” Asked Aziraphale after thanking the bartender for his drink.

Crowley stiffened. 

He took his glass and drank a good swig of it real quick to avoid answering just yet. Hopefully, he could blame the wine for the blush manifesting on his face. Then he sighed and turned to the angel again.

“Wasn’t that what you meant last time we met? That I was taking this relationship a little too fast?” 

“This relationship?!” Aziraphale felt his cheeks getting warmer. 

“The fraternizing! Whatever you call it... I thought after thousands of years we’d have been close enough to actually...” He paused here, looking as if he was having trouble picking appropriate words. “Become friends. Was offering you a ride too outrageous an act?”

“Ohhh, oh dear.”

The angel covered his face in both hands. Sure he did say Crowley was going too fast but it was because…

“I’m sorry dear boy. I only needed an excuse to decline your offer… And you indeed have broken the speed limit on several occasions… ”

“Angeeel…!” The red haired demon groaned so loud the other locals at the bar turned in their direction. He ran a hand over his face in frustration. All these years, he had been chewing himself out because he couldn’t stop over-thinking it!

“I am sorry… I... It wasn’t supposed to sound that way… I didn’t want us caught in a car together… with the holy water. It could’ve gone bad.” The blonde nervously spun the glass in his hands at a slow pace. That night he had been so nervous about confessing that he had ended up making an excuse to leave the Bentley. And now he was making up more excuses to explain it, without telling Crowley the actual reason behind his actions.

“Eh… Misunderstanding on my part then…” The demon grumbled, sipping his wine. 

Aziraphale eyed up. He thought of asking Crowley more about his frustration over this statement. Why it was so important to him. He had a feeling in his guts that “being friends” wasn’t what the demon meant to say. But in the end they both silently sipped their drinks. Each lost in their own thoughts.

After quite a long pause, Crowley was the one to break the silence.

“Sorry I ruined date night.” The demon leaned on one side, propping an arm on the counter. He looked like he could fall off the barstool at any moment.

“Hmm?”

“You were expecting some human romancing weren’t you? But all you’ve gotten is lil ol’ me.”

“I was. Sort of. It didn’t matter. I’d rather talk.” Aziraphale fumbled his fingers. 

“What about the “making love”? Is that considered talking?” Teased Crowley.

“Ah, well, that… I only wanted to sound a little more… up-to-date.” The angel gulped down another glass to clear his throat. He decided it would be best to change the subject.

“Why did you answer the ad anyway? I didn’t think you’d be interested."

This resulted in a shrug from the demon. 

“ I ‘unno. I just find myself fitting the requirements. Thought I could do some tempting… Was expecting a woman to be honest.” Said Crowley, waving his hands dismissively, before finishing his drink and signalled the bartender for another.

“Then I might have accidentally thwarted you.” chuckled Aziraphale.

“Would you like a medal?”

“Not really, I’ve got one to weigh my papers already.”

They both laughed. A little alcohol sure helped lighten the mood.

“But really, angel… I can’t help but see the obvious description of **me.” **Crowley leaned closer to Aziraphale, grinning in his own demonic way. 

Aziraphale avoided looking at him again and pretended to be drinking. Couldn’t help the glances though, he hadn’t seen that mischievous look in years.

“I- I hope you are okay with that… I thought, I should look for someone I might get along with… And you seemed like a good inspiration...” 

“Heh, why go through all the trouble, Aziraphale?” The serpent licked the droplets of wine on his own upper-lip in a rather seductive manner. “You could’ve just asked.”

“Crowley…!” The blonde frowned. “I… It wouldn’t work. You’re a demon and I’m an angel!”

The red-head repressed the urge to remind his old friend that angels don’t write personal columns, nor would they want to try dating a human just because they were curious. Instead, he laughed out loud.

“I’m joking! You should see your face.”

Aziraphale awkwardly joined in the laughter with nervous sweat on the side of his face. Once the laughter had subsided, they both found themselves looking at one another as if there was more to be said. Something they both wanted to let out, but were unable to. They simultaneously turned away to examine their own glasses of wine.

“I didn’t know you like Queen though…” The Principality pushed the silence away this time.

“You didn’t?”

“No. I attended a concert, and thought you would enjoy such music if you were there… So I included it. ‘Twas a wild guess.” Aziraphale smiled shyly. The wine was making him feel less anxious. He eyed Crowley from head to toe. The demon still hadn’t changed his style since the 60s. 

“But then again you might be more into the Beatles, from the look of it.”

“Nahh, just like the hair.”

“And it suits you, my dear. You look nice.”

Crowley made a dismissive sound but was obviously flustered.

"So yeah… I do like Queen." He mumbled.. "Quite the drama queen myself to tell you the truth."

The angel laughed heartily. 

* * *

* * *

“If I had known... it was you, I would’ve... picked an earlier... time. They do... serve food here before... 9.” Crowley slurred an apology as they stumbled out of the pub.

The two of them had been drinking and conversing up until they were told it was closing time. It had always been good to do catching up with Aziraphale every time they met after several years or decades. While others might argue that seeing someone everyday was the best feeling, Crowley believed it was the opposite. The whole waiting, and thinking of that certain someone made their chance meetings more meaningful, at least to him.

“Aw… ‘Tis fine… We can come…. back another…. time, dear. ”

The angel was more drunk than him, despite the fact they drank quite the same amount of alcohol. It would make sense since his angel wasn’t an expert at drinking. Tea and sweets were more his thing. He watched the Aziraphale with some concern. It wouldn’t be wise to leave him to his own devices on London streets at this hour.

Crowley caught Aziraphale just when the angel tripped. He lifted the shorter man back up and let him lean onto his lanky body for support. The midnight wind was sending chills over them both. And thus the serpent decided he had better help Aziraphale into his car, whether or not the angel wanted a ride home.

It wasn’t too hard to lead Aziraphale to the car, although Crowley was glad he had demonic strength to help him carry the angel’s weight. The hard part was being so close to him. His “sinful” hands holding the soft body that Crowley had always considered to be holy and pure. He didn’t know if it was because of the wine, but he could have sworn the angel nuzzled against his chest. This made his heart race. He really hoped Aziraphale didn’t hear it thumping as if it was wanting to break out of his chest, because they were so close. 

Crowley helped Aziraphale to the passenger seat of the Bentley but not forgetting to focus his senses to make sure none of their lots were around to see. One couldn’t be too sure. 

The door opened itself to welcome them.

“Thank you, dear. I suppose… I have to trouble... you tonight after all...” The angel smiled as he adjusted himself in the seat.

“It’s not like… I’ve never given you a lift.” The demon responded with a hint of a smile.

“Heh… yeah… You’re right...” Aziraphale tittered.

Crowley realized he didn’t have seatbelts in the car. He never needed them, and didn’t expect he would ever need to give a drunk angel a ride before. With a thoughtful “hmm”, he waved a hand over the Bentley, spawning a seatbelt just for the angel. 

* * *

Aziraphale noticed the new addition to the car and gave Crowley a grateful smile. While the demon moved to the other side to get into the driver’s seat, he pulled the strap over his torso. Unfortunately he was more drunk than he thought, and just couldn’t get it buckled.

After a few failed tries, he must have looked miserable enough. Crowley’s hands surprised him as they moved over to take hold of the latch. The angel looked up to see his friend had leaned over to help. A gush of warmth washed over the back of his head, at the same time his heart skipped a beat when their skin touched. Crowley had taken hold of his wrist to guide his hand to the right place.

“C-Crowley…” Aziraphale gasped in surprise.

“What?” The demon lifted his head. His sunglasses had slipped in the process, revealing those glowing yellow eyes for the first time this night. 

Their eyes met just like that and Aziraphale thought he would melt. Ever since Crowley started putting on those dark glasses, he hadn’t been able to appreciate those eyes as often anymore. They were the most prominent thing he remembered after their meeting in Eden. Those gorgeous serpentine eyes. The shades were a good addition to the demon’s aesthetic, he liked them, but he preferred seeing Crowley’s natural pupils once in a while. 

Aziraphale didn’t know how long they stared at each other until he snapped out of it. The angel frantically broke eye-contact and cleared his throat. “T-thank you…” 

“Oh.” Crowley raised an eyebrow curiously. There was a click then, as the demon pushed the latch where it belonged, all the while not moving his face away. Aziraphale gulped ever so slightly at the hot, alcoholic breath caressing his neck. 

“You’re welcome.” The demon smirked and finally pushed himself back to his driving position. 

Aziraphale finally was able to exhale. He fixed his posture to sit straighter. It was getting hotter under his shirt and the angel had no choice but to loosen up his collar with a finger for ventilation. 

“Are you alright with this?” 

Crowley’s words made him turn to look. The demon had his key ready in the ignition but for some reason hadn’t started yet. 

“I will try to go slow, but… no guarantee.” The demon continued and Aziraphale’s face lit up in realization. 

“Oh… No worries… I’ll manage.“ He gave an assuring smile. 

The car started moving at a surprisingly decent speed. The careless driving was still there, but for the first time Aziraphale didn’t have the need to hold onto anything. The streets were almost empty by now anyway. 

* * *

* * *

They didn’t talk for the whole ride back to the bookshop. It was probably for the best. Crowley felt he needed time to cool down from the earlier exchange of eye-contact. It was also good that he could concentrate on the road. He was drunk as well and had an angel at next to him whom he needed to take home safely. 

It didn’t take too long for A. Z. Fell & Co. to come into view. The demon parked his car just in front of the shop. 

“Here we are.” He announced. 

Aziraphale seemed startled, as if he hadn’t realized they were on their way to the bookshop this whole time. The angel turned to him with that sweet smile he adored. 

“Thank you… I appreciate your… thoughtfulness as well.” Aziraphale spoke in a less slurry manner than before. Probably he had gotten some of the alcohol out of his system on the way. 

“Nah... don’t mention it. Just, uh, not very sober myself, didn’t want to crash...” Crowley brushed the compliment off as per usual. He could never get used to those. 

The smile Aziraphale gave hearing this made his cheeks hot again. 

“I suppose... this is goodbye then.” The angel then sighed, undoing his seat belt. 

“... Yep.” 

“I’ll see you around another time…” 

“Alright…” 

“Hopefully it won’t take another decade.” 

“That’d be best. As long as it’s not through another dating ad, I have a phone, you know...” 

The two of them laughed together. 

“Of course, dear.” The angel said once he managed to stop laughing. 

Crowley found himself staring at Aziraphale again, taking in all the details before they had to part ways. He really did hope he wouldn’t have to wait too long for their next meeting. But everything has an end, Crowley knew he couldn’t stop the angel from leaving. 

“Good night, angel.” He spoke, giving a small smile. 

“Good night, Crowley.” 

And yet, neither of them made a move. 

Aziraphale had already placed his hand on the door handle but for some reason did not proceed. Crowley expected him to get out, and hurry away as he always did. And now found it peculiar that the angel seemed to hesitate. 

“Crowley.” Aziraphale turned to look at his friend on the other side. 

“Yes?” The demon replied almost at the same time. 

There was no immediate continuation. Aziraphale looked as if he was internally battling himself. The demon recognized the signs of the angel about to do something he knew would be defying in his authorities eyes. He had seen it before when they first agreed their Arrangement. 

“Everything... alright?” Crowley raised a brow. 

“Crowley. I haven’t been completely honest with you.” Aziraphale finally loosened his lips. His voice soft and quiet, with a hint of shame. 

The demon’s eyebrows only raised higher in confusion. Then he chuckled jokingly. 

“You are an angel, I don’t think you could ever lie-” 

“Listen Crowley!” The angel raised his voice, looking distressed. 

The demon shut up instantly, even inched back in surprise. He watched as Aziraphale nervously messed with his own fingers, looking adorably heartbreaking. 

“When you asked me about the ad.” The angel continued. “About how much you resembles that description - No - About how much** _ it_ ** resembles _**you**_. My answer wasn’t the whole truth.” 

“What’s the truth then?” He asked carefully. Not sure if he was allowed to interfere yet. 

“Crowley… I said I was hoping to find a human that I can get along with… But the truth is, I was thinking of you all the time.” 

The demon blinked. “Uh, yes you did say you took inspiration from me, so I am aware you would be thinking about me while writing that ad.” 

“N-no Crowley… not like that… oh dear… How do I put it…” The angel looked around, like someone lost at an intersection. “You weren’t just an inspiration… The whole time I was thinking… fantasizing… WISHING that whoever answered my ad would be a carbon copy of you.” 

Crowley kept staring. 

“I wanted to date someone like _**you**_.” The angel covered his face again in embarrassment. 

Had Aziraphale been able to see through his sunglasses right now, Crowley’s eyes must have been the size of golf balls. He tried to make sense of it all, but found himself even more lost. 

“W-ngk- I - I don’t get it, angel. What are you on about?” 

Something at the back of Crowley’s mind was ticking. Still, he told himself to stop getting his hopes up. It could be something completely irrelevant to what he had in mind. 

“For God’s sake, Crowley…” Aziraphale lifted his face out of his hands to yell his frustration, but managed to somehow whisper and shout at the same time. 

* * *

The whole ride Aziraphale had been thinking. For a demon, Crowley had been surprisingly kind to him. From the small gestures to the bigger incidents in the past. Crowley was always there for him when he needed a friend. 

His fellow angels hardly ever came down from Heaven to just… ask how he was doing. Most times it was about the Divine Plan, or to ask for a report. They never came when he needed someone to talk to. He had tried expressing a few of his frustrations about work back at Head Office, once. They either brushed him off, or ignored him completely in favor of something else. _ He had never gone back to Heaven since, unless it was absolutely necessary..._

In contrast, it had always been Crowley who actually cared. He was the only non-human entity to ever listen to him ramble on and on about his favorite books, to buy him his favorite food, to pay attention to any new addition to his attire… He thought he could share everything with the demon without fear of being ridiculed. 

Would it be fair to conceal his feelings then? Aziraphale realized he had been lying to Crowley and himself. He kept making up excuses to push the demon away, while Crowley had been so kind to him. All because he didn’t want the demon to know he had feelings for him. But was that a wise choice? 

Even if Crowley didn’t feel the same, or if they could never really be together, the demon deserved to know. 

Tonight Aziraphale had found the one thing he lacked the last time he tried leading to his confession. It was liquor. He needed some form of confidence and courage, which could only be achieved when the logical side of his brain reduced its function. It was easier to push the fear of Heaven and Hell aside that way. 

But there was a little obstacle. 

It frustrated him so much. He had gotten this far into the confession, and yet Crowley was still not getting the point! 

While the demon was still perplexedly staring at him, Aziraphale took a deep breath to calm down, and sighed. 

“Crowley… For a long time now, I have had these unspeakable feelings.” He tried again, this time going slower. “After that time at the church, 1941, I realized how nice of a demon you are-“ 

“ I am not nice.“ Crowley cut in, looking quite uncomfortable. 

“Oh but you are, dear. You saved the books, and me.” Aziraphale smiled. 

Crowley muttered something and looked away. The angel had always found this rather cute. The way Crowley tried to act like he didn’t care. 

“So yes… I couldn’t stop thinking about you after that. I… missed you, but in a different way from before. And when we met again, my heart wouldn’t stop pounding. But still I wasn’t sure if the feelings I was experiencing were the same as yours.” 

“I wanted to ask, after I had given you the holy water. But I was too nervous. I feared your reaction to it would be negative. After all, we are on opposite sides… And it could pretty well be one sided.” 

Aziraphale paused to take a calming breath, also to look at Crowley and guess what he was thinking. It was always hard to read him behind those glasses. He saw the demon was unmoving, staring at the empty street ahead of them. Aziraphale looked away as well, a tad disappointed. 

“The personal ad,” He continued. “I am sorry I did that. It was a silly thought. I was doubting myself. I was afraid that this whole time, my feelings for you were just because I have never been close to anyone, except for you, before.” 

“I realized now how wrong that was. To try and find a substitute, just because I didn’t have the courage to tell you what I feel.” 

The angel looked at Crowley again. 

“Crowley… I think you deserve to know. That I… I think I have a crush on you.” This time he summoned up the courage to reach out and place his hand on the demon’s. 

To his surprise, his old friend didn’t flinch one bit. Instead, Crowley turned his head to finally look at him. 

“Aziraphale.” The demon spoke slowly. “ I thought you’d never say it.” 

* * *

Crowley turned his hand so that he could hold Aziraphale’s in his. 

This obviously caught Aziraphale off guard, for his eyes went round in surprise. 

“I’ve been waiting to hear it...” He closed his fingers around the angel’s palm. Aziraphale’s hand was warm and soft. He had fantasized about holding it like this for almost everyday of his life. 

It was as if he was living a dream. When he headed out of his apartment this evening, there was not a second he thought tonight he would get to be with Aziraphale, let alone getting a confession out of him. It all came out of the blue and he was so overwhelmed all he could do was to sit there and listen. 

“W-waiting?” The angel stuttered. “You knew?” 

“The signs were all over the place.” Crowley leaned his head back with an endearing smile. Of course he could tell Aziraphale liked him. He should be able to pick up the clues immediately since he himself had experienced them for thousand of years. 

The angel covered his mouth in shock, then furrowed his eyebrows and turned back to him. “And you never told me!?” 

Crowley couldn’t help but burst into a short laugh at Aziraphale’s adorable angry face. This apparently wasn’t what his angel anticipated. Aziraphale huffed and took his hand back. He turned to the other side and crossed his arms. 

“I don’t see what’s so funny about this.” The legacy of the pout continued. 

“Oh… I’m sorry angel. You just look so darn adorable.” Crowley calmed himself down eventually and the laugh changed to an apologetic smile. “Come on. I couldn’t tell you even if I wanted to. I have known you for long enough to understand you need time. Wouldn’t be right to force it.” 

There was no answer from the sulking angel and Crowley sighed. 

“I also feel the same, if that makes you feel any better…” 

From the reflection on the window, he could see Aziraphale’s eyes glancing over. Still, the angel didn’t turn around. 

“Ever since Eden-” Crowley continued. 

“Eden?” Now this got the Aziraphale’s attention. He spun around to face him. “That far back??” 

“Yeahh… Didn’t know what it was. We had a pleasant conversation and you didn’t try to stab me like the rest-” 

The demon rambled on, only turning to look at Aziraphale when he heard a quiet sob. 

The angel was sniffling. His hazel blue eyes filled with tears. This made the demon panic. He was hoping retelling their life-long stories from his point of view was going to turn this into a more pleasant talk. Somehow it had upset Aziraphale and he wasn’t ready to deal with that. 

“A-all this ti-time, Cr-Crowley, I-I am sorry” Aziraphale snivelled. “If only I h-had known.” 

“H-hey, angel.” Crowley completely lost his composure as well. In the moment, he couldn’t think of any other way to calm the angel down but to move over and embraced Aziraphale into his arms, taking this chance to place his face on the soft blonde hair as well. 

“Shh… Don’t cry. It’s fine. I don’t take it as a bad thing, really.” He soothed him, gently rubbing the angel’s back. 

* * *

Aziraphale cried for a good while. By the time he regained himself, Crowley had pulled them into a more comfortable position. With his back supported by the door and Aziraphale himself was leaning on the demon’s chest. 

“Feeling better?” Asked Crowley once he noticed the crying had died down. 

Aziraphale nodded, wiping the remaining tears with his sleeve. “Y.. yes. Apologies, my dear…. I- I made you wait even more than you should have… I’m sorry Crowley… When I remember how I felt, I-It must’ve hurt… to experience it for so long...” 

There was no telling what Crowley was thinking from looking up at this angle. However, the demon’s arm around him seemed to tighten. 

“It doesn’t matter.” Said Crowley. “Not anymore, now that we’re on the same track.” 

“You’re right…” Aziraphale agreed quietly. He closed his eyes, enjoying the feeling of being in the arms of the one that he loved. Then after a short moment, he opened them again. 

“But… what’s it going to be like now?” His voice filled with concern. 

"Dating I guess?” The demon shrugged. 

“We can’t actually… Date!” The angel pushed himself away. 

“Why not?” Crowley frowned in annoyance, then readjusted himself to sit straighter. 

“If we see each other too often,” Aziraphale eyed up nervously. “They’ll notice.” 

“Please, angel… Not again.” 

“Crowley I’m serious…. It’s too dangerous. I can’t bear to imagine what they would do to you if they find out about this.” 

“They don’t need to know.” 

“But if they -” 

Crowley hissed, suddenly looming over the angel, who pressed himself against the passenger door. Their faces were separated by only a small gap. 

“They’re not stopping us now are they?” The serpent smirked. His breath reeked of alcohol still. “ I bet if I were to do anything to you now, they wouldn’t even notice. And even if they did, I would kick the shit out of them before they could ruin it. Almost 6000 years, angel, I did my waiting...” 

Aziraphale wished he could actually concentrate on Crowley’s words right now, but all he did was have his gaze fixed on the demon’s lips. There was something mesmerizing about the way they moved. 

Reading through the romance section before leaving for the supposed-date was a bad idea. He had found himself thinking back to them the whole evening, and projecting Crowley’s images onto them. The demon wasn’t being much help with his sudden closures. 

Just as sudden as it happened, Crowley pulled himself away, leaving the angel quite disappointed. 

“But if you aren’t ready yet, I won’t pressure it. We are immortal, there’s plenty of time to-” 

Crowley’s words were cut short when a strong hand took hold of his arm before he could return to his seat. He made a surprised gasp as the angel pulled him back. 

“Crowley…” Aziraphale eyed up, blue eyes glinting with ineffable emotions. 

The angel then looked away, biting his lip. He knew what he was going to say would hurt them both. It pained him to imagine the worst case scenarios. He knew Heaven wasn’t going to take this lightly, neither would Hell. They were both already taking a big risk just being this close to one another. 

“... I’m sorry… I don’t think it would ever work. We can’t be together…” Aziraphale spoke quietly. He took a breath to stop the tears from spilling again. Another deep breath and the angel smiled. “But at least we now know… That we both have some feelings for each other. It’s better to know…” 

* * *

Crowley was ready to back down and leave Aziraphale to his comfort zone again, seeing the angel still couldn’t shake the fear off. It had always been the most irritating part of Aziraphale. The angel was bad at making choices. Always indecisive. 

But perhaps Aziraphale just needed a little push this time. If he really didn’t want them to take the next step in this relationship, there would have been no point in pulling him back like this now would there? He knew Aziraphale too well to not overlook his methods. He always wanted to have the cake and eat it too. Both literally and figuratively. 

Time to work his magic of temptation. 

“Angel…” Crowley moved Aziraphale’s chin to his direction. The demon’s heart ached at the sight of those round misty blue eyes gazing up at him. “If we really wanted it, we could make it happen. What Heaven and Hell think don’t matter. Think about it Aziraphale. We’ve been going this long before we even have this talk.” 

Something dawned upon Aziraphale. Crowley could definitely see the moment his eyes lighten up. 

“I- I suppose…w-we have.” The angel replied softly, glancing to the side. 

“If we could get away with our Arrangement for so long, I don’t see why we can’t make this work. You are a wise Principality, I am a wily old serpent.” The serpent smirked charmingly. 

Aziraphale didn’t answer. But he had stopped crying, there was no doubting a change in his demeanour. 

“But of course, it’d only work should we both agree on it. It’s time to make a choice, Aziraphale.” Crowley continued. “Would you rather be on their side, or our own side?” 

“I-if something were to happen…” The angel pursed his lips. His eyes glancing from one side to another as he waged his options. 

“Nothing is going to happen, angel.” Crowley shook his head, at the same time getting his mouth closer to Aziraphale’s face. 

Just a little more. One tiny push. 

“It’ll just be like what we’ve been doing for the past 5000 years. Fraternizzzzing.” He hissed into the angel’s ears. 

There was a tremble from Aziraphale. The angel gasped as if he had been holding back his breath this whole time. For a moment Crowley thought he had done something wrong. He leaned away to give the angel a concerned look. 

“Oh god, Crowley!” He wailed, grabbing the demon’s jacket. This actually caught Crowley by surprise and he didn’t have time to react. 

“FINE. You win!” Aziraphale announced with a suppressed shout. 

The next moment, Crowley was yanked forward. Aziraphale had pulled him in. It was so sudden he had to quickly take hold of the ceiling handle above them to hold himself together. 

* * *

There was a bump, and an “ouch”. 

Both Aziraphale and Crowley groaned in pain. They parted from each other to rub their own nose bridges. Crowley’s sunglasses had caused quite some unwanted damage to them both. 

“Oh... ow… Oh dear… I’m sorry, dear boy.” Apologized Aziraphale, flushing with embarrassment. 

“Arrww” Groaned Crowley. 

“Oh dear… Are you alright?” Aziraphale watched the demon in agony, not knowing what to do. After some time, the demon grunted. 

“Ughh… What the fuck angel?!” 

“I am sorry! I only wanted to kiss you!” Wailed Aziraphale. 

“KISS?” Crowley stared back, wide-eyed. His glasses lopsided, nicely matching his dumbfounded face.

“Ohh I don’t know… I have been thinking about it all night, and you kept getting so close to me like that…” The angel hid his flustered face in his hands. How embarrassing. He should have known real life didn’t work like fiction. 

A hand took hold of his wrist and gently moved them away from his face. Aziraphale looked over. Crowley had removed his glasses, and was now giving him such a lovable smile. 

“We could try again?” He suggested. 

Aziraphale’s heart jumped at the sight of those eyes - Not that it hadn’t been going crazy already. 

“W-we could…” The angel cleared his throat. 

“But perhaps, not here” Crowley grinned, and snapped his fingers. 

They both landed at the back of the Bentley. Aziraphale gaped at the demon. 

“Now this should be more to your liking, shouldn’t it?” The serpent once again was leaning over him as Aziraphale was half sitting on the leathery backseat. His jaw slightly dropped, then closed again, not knowing what to say. The poem had completely slipped his mind. 

He was having other things clouding his mind anyway. Crowley’s bright eyes, illuminating themselves in the dark, supposed to feel intimidating to look at. But all Aziraphale could see was love radiating from them. How did he miss the signs all these years? How had he been so blind? 

“C-Crowley… Please…” He whimpered impatiently. 

* * *

No one would have believed it if Crowley told them he had never kissed before. It was unfortunately the truth. It wasn’t his kind of temptation. However, Aziraphale’s words had always been his command. Who was he to deny such begging eyes and that endearing voice. If his angel wanted a kiss, he would gladly deliver. 

Crowley placed a hand on Aziraphale’s cheek to hold his face in place, lifting the angel’s head slightly. He took a moment to brace himself before their lips actually touched. 

The demon thought he could very well be having a mental breakdown. A sudden spark of electricity ran through his corporeal body when the angel’s soft rosy lips pressed against his own. Kissing Aziraphale was something he only dared daydream about. And yet he was now doing it. 

Their face parted after a short moment and the demon once again melted at the sight of Aziraphale’s expressive blue eyes. It looked as if the angel was in a daze. Crowley himself was in no good shape apparently, for soon after, the expression on Aziraphale changed to a worried frown. 

It took a moment for Crowley to register that his eyes had gotten misty. He squeezed them shut, turning away as he felt the tears running down his cheeks. Thousands of years he told himself he wouldn’t need it, that he could just keep their friendship as it was for Aziraphale’s safety and as long as Aziraphale was happy, he would be as well. But now he realized it wasn’t true. He thirsted for this day. The day he received the seal of approval that was the angel’s kiss. 

* * *

“Dear boy…” 

Aziraphale cupped his hands on Crowley’s face. He caressed his thumbs over the tear tracks, feeling the warmth of the demon’s heart through them. Angels had always been able to feel love. Aziraphale couldn’t understand why he never sensed it from Crowley and it pained him with guilt. Perhaps Crowley was too good at concealing it, or he had been the worst angel in existence. The demon obviously was over his tolerance limit by now. 

“Sorry, angel… I… You didn’t have to see...” Crowley gasped, trying to take deep breaths. He looked as if crying was the most embarrassing thing he had ever done, which Aziraphale would like to differ. 

“It’s fine my dear.” The angel smiled understandingly. He pressed their foreheads against each other. 

“I thought I could… handle…” Crowley wheezed, gasping into his face. There was still a tiny hint of alcohol in his breath. “It’s just… I’ve wanted… this for so long… “ 

“Oh Crowley…” Aziraphale felt his own tears began dripping as he placed a gentle, reassuring kiss on Crowley’s forehead. “I am sorry you had to… I was foolish… Forgive me my dear?” The angel then wiped the tears for his serpent with his thumbs. “Cheer up. Now you can have all the kisses you want.” 

“Darn it angel…” Crowley groaned, but soon after he followed it with a teary chuckle. “Stop being so damn adorable.” 

“Make me.” Challenged Aziraphale, laughing along. 

* * *

They pulled each other in for another kiss. This time longer and more sensual. Now that the two had gotten a taste of it, they couldn’t be satisfied with just one. 

Aziraphale kept his hands around the demon’s face. Feeling the sharp cheekbones and the beautiful jawline he had always wanted to touch. One of his hands wandered further to the sides, brushing over the demon’s ear, to feel the soft hair behind his scalp. The other moved to stroke over Crowley’s neck through the fabric of his clothing. The angel felt he needn’t worry about anything with his demon holding him ever so firmly. Not even the presence of Gabriel would be able to stop him now. 

Meanwhile, Crowley could never get close enough to Aziraphale. The demon pressed the angel’s soft body closer to him, to the point their torsos met one another. He held Aziraphale firmly with one arm, while his other hand caressing the angel’s thigh. Regardless of anyone’s opinion, he loved Aziraphale’s softness. It was such a blessing for him, to be holding him like this. He felt the angel’s hand playing with his hair, massaging his nape. A wave of warmth spread throughout his body, making the demon hum in pleasure. 

Their lips parted again once they have run out of air. The two of them gazed into each other’s eyes. Simultaneously, they beamed. Never in their millenia years of life had they experienced such happiness. 

“I love you so much, Aziraphale.” Whispered Crowley, hugging his angel tightly like he was afraid Aziraphale would disappear any second now. 

“Oh dear boy… I love you too!” The angel tightened his arms around his demon as well. 

Crowley pressed a gentle kiss onto Aziraphale’s fluffy pale blonde hair, as the angel nuzzled his face in the demon’s neck. 

* * *

* * *

Reality hit them hard. 

They had kissed, and cuddled without a care in the world all night. It was undeniable that wasn’t enough. Unfortunately, Crowley could only stop time for so long, and the whole event throughout the night had exhausted him so much emotionally to pull it off. In the end they had to accept that their night must come to an end. 

“So… I guess this is the actual goodbye then?” 

Crowley spoke first. They both had gotten back to their respective original seating. 

Aziraphale was adjusting his attire, fixing the little tilt of his bowtie. He took a moment to look outside before answering. The early morning mist was clearing up, making way for sunlight. Pedestrians and vehicles started showing. Never had the angel hated the sight of London in the morning. Today though, he felt a dwelling sadness knowing it was time to leave. 

He sighed, turning to Crowley. 

“I’m afraid so, my dear.” He smiled sadly. 

Crowley didn’t express much. His sunglasses were back on, shielding his emotions again, but Aziraphale could tell he wasn’t any happier than him. 

Silence loomed over them both again. Neither wanted it to end just yet. 

“Unless…” The angel’s voice cut through the ice. 

“Unless?” Crowley immediately sprung his head to look, causing his hair to swing once his head had stopped. 

“You would like to go for breakfast…” Aziraphale’s smile was scheming. 

“Oh… ” Crowley returned it with a knowing smile. “Why not.” 

“There’s this lovely place I’ve always wanted to try.” The angel wiggled with excitement. 

The demon waved his hand. “Anywhere you wanna go.” 

Their eyes met and both of them quieted down in the moment of deja vu. 

“Wonderful my dear.” Aziraphale eventually said with a wide delightful smile. At the same time he grabbed the ceiling handle with one hand and the other gripped tightly on the seat. 

Crowley couldn’t hide a smile of his own as he turned to start the engine. 

As they drove off, the angel peeked over at his demon. It was unbelievable how much the relationship between them changed overnight. 

_ There was a space between them again, as per usual, and yet Aziraphale knew he and Crowley were closer than ever before. _

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you Literarion and Unholyfrank for Beta'ing this!  
Also a big thank to OKami_hu for your help with the personal ad poems!

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[SIGHT READ PODFIC] The love that I've looked for - by CatofApocalypse](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21286355) by [LenaReads (LenaLawlipop)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LenaLawlipop/pseuds/LenaReads)


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